dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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