apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
