He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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