my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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