that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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