tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
