ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
