Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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