It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
