We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
