And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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