I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
