Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
