I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
