Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
