I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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