ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
