i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize