Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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