Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
