I can text with my tongue
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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