dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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