Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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