Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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