i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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