He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
