Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
