I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
