his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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