he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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