I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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