Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
