tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
