Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Drunk is a universal language darling
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
