Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
