last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
