this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
