I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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