Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize