Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
