She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
