So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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