he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
