Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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