oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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