i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
