you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
