Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
