Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you will always have a special place in my vag
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
