I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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