So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
