Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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