How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
