Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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