I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize