happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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