I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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