where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we have pet lesbian snakes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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