everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
