marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
