this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Pants are for mortals
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
