who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
