I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
