Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
