if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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