trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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