We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
