You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
