So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
