even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
