You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
