Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
