You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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