ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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